There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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