imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
