the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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