Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
