Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
