I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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