We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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