He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
