Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
