Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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