is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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