I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
