shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
