White coat. Heels.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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