Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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