So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
