textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
