Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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