I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
