um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
