last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
