My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
