Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
