how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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