u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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