OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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