Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
