does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
