I need to stop coming to work sober
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He did a backflip because drugs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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