people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
