I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
