Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
