Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
