@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
