Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
