i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
