please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
