I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
