First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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