Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
