I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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