What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
