Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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