Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
