he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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