Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
