I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
