Umm I'm too high to move.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
