yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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