Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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