Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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